What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

Did you hear about the cow who jumped over the barbed wire fence? It was udder destruction.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!’

Did you know that protons have mass? I didn't even know they were catholic.

I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

Have you heard of the band 1023MB? They haven't got a gig yet.