📚 THE JOKE ARCHIVE
All the terrible jokes that came before. A proud legacy of groaning.
Friday, Aug 7, 2026
For Valentine's day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus. It's the little things that count.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Thursday, Aug 6, 2026
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish? You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Wednesday, Aug 5, 2026
Don't trust atoms. They make up everything.
🗳️ 2 votes |
🤦 100% groaned
Tuesday, Aug 4, 2026
Why is it so windy inside an arena? All those fans.
🗳️ 1 votes |
🤦 100% groaned
Monday, Aug 3, 2026
I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
🗳️ 1 votes |
🤦 100% groaned
Sunday, Aug 2, 2026
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident? To the I.C.U.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Saturday, Aug 1, 2026
How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed? Your head hits the ceiling!
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Friday, Jul 31, 2026
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Damn!
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Thursday, Jul 30, 2026
"Hey, dad, did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut."
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Wednesday, Jul 29, 2026
I went on a date last night with a girl from the zoo. It was great. She’s a keeper.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Tuesday, Jul 28, 2026
What's the worst thing about ancient history class? The teachers tend to Babylon.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Monday, Jul 27, 2026
What did the beaver say to the tree? It's been nice gnawing you.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Sunday, Jul 26, 2026
What do you call a troublesome Canadian high schooler? A poutine.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Saturday, Jul 25, 2026
Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them!
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Friday, Jul 24, 2026
I was at the library and asked if they have any books on "paranoia", the librarian replied, "yes, they are right behind you"
🗳️ 1 votes |
🤦 0% groaned
Thursday, Jul 23, 2026
I used to work at a stationery store. But, I didn't feel like I was going anywhere.
So, I got a job at a travel agency. Now, I know I'll be going places.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Wednesday, Jul 22, 2026
A Skeleton walked into a bar he said I need a beer and a mop
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Tuesday, Jul 21, 2026
The best time on a clock is 6:30--hands down.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Monday, Jul 20, 2026
Want to hear my pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Sunday, Jul 19, 2026
I started a new business making yachts in my attic this year...the sails are going through the roof
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Saturday, Jul 18, 2026
Why is it always hot in the corner of a room? Because a corner is 90 degrees.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Friday, Jul 17, 2026
What is a witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling!
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Thursday, Jul 16, 2026
Have you heard the rumor going around about butter? Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Wednesday, Jul 15, 2026
I finally bought the limited edition Thesaurus that I've always wanted. When I opened it, all the pages were blank.
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Tuesday, Jul 14, 2026
Hostess: Do you have a preference of where you sit?
Dad: Down.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Monday, Jul 13, 2026
What do you call a dictionary on drugs? High definition.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Sunday, Jul 12, 2026
What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Saturday, Jul 11, 2026
Doctor you've got to help me, I'm addicted to Twitter. Doctor: I don't follow you.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Friday, Jul 10, 2026
How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh, it's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it.
🗳️ 1 votes |
🤦 0% groaned
Thursday, Jul 9, 2026
Wife: Honey I’m pregnant.
Me: Well…. what do we do now?
Wife: Well, I guess we should go to a baby doctor.
Me: Hm.. I think I’d be a lot more comfortable going to an adult doctor.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Wednesday, Jul 8, 2026
Why did the man run around his bed? Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!
🗳️ 1 votes |
🤦 100% groaned
Tuesday, Jul 7, 2026
They say Dodger Stadium can hold up to fifty-six thousand people, but that is just a ballpark figure.
🗳️ 1 votes |
🤦 100% groaned
Monday, Jul 6, 2026
What is the tallest building in the world? The library – it’s got the most stories!
🗳️ 1 votes |
🤦 100% groaned
Sunday, Jul 5, 2026
A red and a blue ship have just collided in the Caribbean. Apparently the survivors are marooned.
🗳️ 1 votes |
🤦 100% groaned
Saturday, Jul 4, 2026
I was in an 80's band called the prevention. We were better than the cure.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Friday, Jul 3, 2026
How do you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? You will see one later and one in a while.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Thursday, Jul 2, 2026
What is the leading cause of dry skin? Towels
🗳️ 1 votes |
🤦 0% groaned
Wednesday, Jul 1, 2026
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
🗳️ 1 votes |
🤦 100% groaned
Tuesday, Jun 30, 2026
A girl once asked me what my heart desired, apparently blood, oxygen and neural messages were all wrong answers
🗳️ 1 votes |
🤦 0% groaned
Monday, Jun 29, 2026
What kind of music do mummy's like? Rap
🗳️ 1 votes |
🤦 100% groaned
Sunday, Jun 28, 2026
Where do hamburgers go to dance? The meat-ball.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Saturday, Jun 27, 2026
Is the pool safe for diving? It deep ends.
🗳️ 1 votes |
🤦 100% groaned
Friday, Jun 26, 2026
What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds!
🗳️ 1 votes |
🤦 0% groaned
Thursday, Jun 25, 2026
Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Wednesday, Jun 24, 2026
I used to work for a soft drink can crusher. It was soda pressing.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Tuesday, Jun 23, 2026
Why are basketball players messy eaters? Because they are always dribbling.
🗳️ 1 votes |
🤦 0% groaned
Monday, Jun 22, 2026
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
🗳️ 1 votes |
🤦 100% groaned
Sunday, Jun 21, 2026
To the guy who invented zero... thanks for nothing.
🗳️ 0 votes |
🤦 50% groaned
Saturday, Jun 20, 2026
Some people eat light bulbs. They say it's a nice light snack.
🗳️ 1 votes |
🤦 100% groaned
Friday, Jun 19, 2026
How do you make a water bed more bouncy. You use Spring Water
🗳️ 1 votes |
🤦 100% groaned