How do you make a 'one' disappear? You add a 'g' and it's 'gone'

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.

Why did the melons plan a big wedding? Because they cantaloupe!

Why can't you use "Beef stew" as a password? Because it's not stroganoff.

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens? Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they'd all say "Bach bach bach!"

I wish I could clean mirrors for a living. It's just something I can see myself doing.

Want to hear a chimney joke? Got stacks of em! First one's on the house