I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!

What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments? An Orca-stra.

Never Trust Someone With Graph Paper... They're always plotting something.

A man was caught stealing in a supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

I applied to be a doorman but didn't get the job due to lack of experience. That surprised me, I thought it was an entry level position.

Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin.