Have you heard about corduroy pillows? They're making headlines!

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!

What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments? An Orca-stra.

Never Trust Someone With Graph Paper... They're always plotting something.

A man was caught stealing in a supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

I applied to be a doorman but didn't get the job due to lack of experience. That surprised me, I thought it was an entry level position.