Did you know Albert Einstein was a real person? All this time, I thought he was just a theoretical physicist!

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

A man walks into a bar and orders helicopter flavor chips. The barman replies “sorry mate we only do plain”

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a criminal going down the stairs? Condescending

Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water? He had a very esteemed colleague.