Wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it... We had some drinks, cool guy, wants to be a web developer.

I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic, they said: go ahead, knock yourself out.

I ate a clock yesterday. It was so time consuming.

I just broke my guitar. It's okay, I won't fret

Coffee has a tough time at my house, every morning it gets mugged.

Have you ever seen fruit preserves being made? It's jarring.

Why can't eggs have love? They will break up too soon.